Hello! Happiest of days!

I'm once again stuck in my analysis paralysis on what to write because there are eleventy billion things to write about and it all feels important. Therefore none of it feels like it should be the ONE thing. So then I write about nothing and the words feel like they might literally burst out of my brain and my body in a real tragic Sigourney Weaver Alien moment.

WORDS EVERYWHERE.

In no particular order. Some all mushed together. All chaos. A word salad of epic proportion. More of a chopped salad really. But with far less uniformity.

NARRATOR: Now Melody would really really like a chopped salad from Palomino in Seattle but alas, a distracting Google search has told her they are closed. So now she must continue writing this email in a temporary state of despair. Life is very hard.

I'm able to keep the words inside for awhile, lying to myself that I'll write them down tomorrow or share some epically thoughtful and wise things on Instagram (obviously the place to go for epically thoughtful and wise).

Certainly if I say them out loud I'll feel better?

NARRATOR: This has never worked for Melody and she knows it and she just keeps trying it like a Big Delusional Dummy.

So then I declare: I WILL WRITE ABOUT THE MINI ANXIETY ATTACK I HAD THIS WEEKEND. Because party time!

When I sat down to write, I scrolled back through some of the old emails I have written recently, and several are about anxiety. lolololsob

I should just change the name of this newsletter. The Anxiety Monologues? Eat, Pray, Anxiety? The Never Ending Anxiety?

Delicious names. Don't they just make you feel calm and serene?

This all brings us to today.

On the downhill slide of a small anxiety attack that left me feeling like a filleted fish. Exposed, in pain, nerve endings on fire, helpless, gasping for air.

A little floppy. Prickly and scaly. Woo, this metaphor.

What brought on the anxiety attack? THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION FRIENDS.

I haven't been sleeping well. I ate a little bit of crappy gluten earlier in the week, when I truly haven't had any of note for over two and a half years. Social anxiety. Work was busy. It's officially that part of summer where the children and I are like WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO CLOSE TO ME. The world kind of sucks right now.

What helps? I wish I could tell you.

A friend and her daughter refused to let me go quietly into the night. 972 Facetime calls, texts to my husband, my son, MY MOM BLESS IT. A wee little visit around a bonfire. Ordering takeout. Listening to the new Beyonce album TRIPLE BLESS IT. Taking a nap. CBD powder poured into my face. Schitt's Creek again.

Does it make it better? Not really. But makes it manageable.

You know what REALLY doesn't make it better?

Keeping it all inside until it bursts out of you in a Sigourney Weaver Alien moment.

Tell your people. I wish I had sooner, but sometimes it's hard to know how bad it is until it's really bad. Sitting surrounded by my family, I kept it bottled up inside until it burst out of me in an unfortunate fit of rage directed at some cardboard boxes.

If you don't have anyone to tell and the world feels like it's spiraling down into a pit of apathy and destruction RIGHT INSIDE YOUR BODY, you can sure tell me. You know I know.

Don't go it alone.

If you want to read more about the physical manifestation of an anxiety attack, read this past email here. If you want to read my last cheery, joy-filled words, read last week's email called None of Us Are Okay. lol JOY!

If you know someone that's struggling or maybe could just feel like they're not alone, feel free to share this email with them. Clearly, I'm not keeping it all secretly tucked away.

If you are having a tough time, know someone who could use help, or are wondering how to help someone ELSE get help, I've been reading up on the new 9-8-8 line (literally just dial 988). While it's far from perfect, it's a great step in the right direction for getting people the help they need or getting resources and options to those who love them. Washington State is one of four states in the country that has fully funded this additional level of crisis care.

If you really just need some dang joy this minute, listen to this podcast with Glennon Doyle and Reese Witherspoon. It will make joy come straight out of your face.